It Is Not Your Rainbow, Your definition of Marriage or Your “Love”

So glad wordpress has a rainbow so I can remember God’s promise cuz we are getting a lot of rain where I am.1234d

“I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth.” (Genesis 9:13)


“He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” (1 John 4:8)

How can love win? When God is love and everyone keeps spiting in Love’s face?!?!?!


Really? Is this necessary?

I am not upset because I am not getting my way or because I’m a “bigoted Bible thumper”! I am upset because I love God and you all are spitting in His face. I am upset because so many people are deceived and headed to Hell and they don’t want to even consider that.

“Ah sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, a seed of evildoers, children that are corrupters: they have forsaken the LORD, they have provoked the Holy One of Israel unto anger, they are gone away backward.” (Isaiah 1:4)

“If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14)

Once Upon a Time…

Back in November of 2014 I posted what would be my last blog post on here for about five months. I did post something sending anyone reading to another blog I started, at some point, but I deleted that and I don’t remember when that was. Anyhow, I started that other blog to reach out to others like me. Well fortunately I didn’t find any others like me! Ha! I am sure there are some out there like me, but I didn’t find any. Anyways, I had good intentions, but I am not ready to go down that road just yet.  I am a mommy who can’t have Christian fellowship like I need and want. I wanted to reach out to others to help them connect and to help me connect. It failed or I didn’t give it enough time, I am not sure which. My last post there was in February. Here it is April and I find myself wanting to write again (that feeling never goes away). So I thought well I will just change my other WordPress Blog then I thought no I will go back to my Transparency blog. I need to have an outlet of sorts. I want to say what is on my mind, that is exactly what this blog was before. I want to use it as a journal of sorts I guess you could say. So back to where I originally was with this blog “A look inside of my thoughts, dreams, and struggles”. My plan for this blog is:

~I have no plan!  🙂

I am going to write about what I want when I want. I am going to use this blog as a journal and a research paper. I like to write and I am not very good at it, but I am looking forward to the practice I get here. 🙂



Stop sharing your opinion on the Ferguson case!  STOP!  YOU are making things worse! Everyone sharing their opinion is only making it worse! YOUR opinion doesn’t matter! It is just that, your opinion! Everyone thinks their opinion is right, that doesn’t mean it is (Proverbs 21:2). If you are on the side of the Brown family people are saying that you’re ignorant. If you are on the side of Wilson they are saying you are racist. Keep your opinions to yourself! Why does it have to be like this? Why can’t you just let the courts handle it?  There is only three who know what really happened and since we are all sinners we should leave it up to God to handle! God knows exactly what happened and justice will be served (Romans 12:19)! Let the Brown family fight it out in court (if they choose), support them, PRAY but don’t take the law into your own hands!  This is a complex case and everyone taking sides is making things worse!  A country divided will fall (Matthew 12:25)! Stop tearing apart our country more than it already is before its to late!  Our country has a lot of flaws, but we are better off than a lot of other countries and you are ruining it all! STOP IT!  It doesn’t matter what color your skin is, we are all made in the image of God! Our country needs to Repent and turn back to God!


“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28 NKJV)

Photo: GospelGifs

God is NOT the Church

It’s is a trap from the pit of Hell and has many people deceived. It has made its way into a lot of people’s homes, hearts and minds. It recently has threatened my walk with Christ and we need to look at our lives and make sure that we aren’t falling into satan’s trap. I hear people all of the time getting them very much confused. I am talking about the church and God Himself! We cannot confuse the two. The church is supposed to represent God, but it isn’t God! The Church is merely made up of sinful humans who like you and I are in desperate need of a Savior!

Anyways, I am really writing this blog post because of me stumbling and almost falling into satan’s trap. It still threatens to pull me in. As I continue to walk in my faith in the next few months or even years I will have to be very careful not to fall in. I am so ready to give up on church. I have been trying to go to a church with my same beliefs for a while and it just isn’t working out. I tried years ago and it didn’t work. There just wasn’t a place for my daughter and if my daughter can’t go to church then I’m not going, it is as simple as that! I then went to another church that did have a place for my daughter, but they have different beliefs than I do. As time went on and I read more of God’s Word I kept seeing things that bothered me more and more about that church. So I try another church, they are great and everything they talk about fits right in line with God’s Word and my beliefs. I have been going there for about 5 months and guess what there is no place for my daughter! 😦  A family member of mine has been helping with my daughter every time! Where is everyone else? Why does it seem like no one else cares, maybe because it is a smaller church? My best friend from middle school once invited us to her son’s birthday party and you know what she did? She called me and asked me if she needed to do anything special to help accommodate my daughter! Why doesn’t the church do that? I don’t need or want special treatment, but let’s face it my daughter does!  Well, there are a few out there that do, but I think everyone that preaches the gospel and Jesus need to step up. What would Jesus do if he was in these churches? I am not sure, but the story of Jesus rebuking His disciples comes to my mind. I think that Jesus would probably pull my baby girl right up into His lap and rebuke the churches for not doing so. Let’s face it, not EVERYONE is welcome in a lot of churches.

“And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:13-14)

So I am left with a difficult question. Do I not go to church or do I go to a church that doesn’t have the same beliefs as me? I have to continue to remember that God is NOT the church and just because I feel like the churches don’t care, that doesn’t mean that Jesus doesn’t care!

I have seen a lot of other people turn away from God because of the way they were treated by a Christian and the church. This is sad to me. If you are doing this then STOP! The church and anyone professing to be a Christian isn’t God! Christians have bad days and the church may not welcome you for whatever reason, but that is no reason to turn your back on God.


The season of Lent is upon us. What are you planning on fasting? I hope it isn’t sugar, after all today is Valentine’s Day and I am thinking chocolate is widely loved by a lot of people, not just women. If you are anything like my husband and you don’t really care for chocolate, I bet you still love sugar! My husband’s favorite is cookies. Ok I really don’t want to know if you are observing Lent or not and I deferentially don’t want to know if you are fasting! I know we are called to fast, but I also believe that as Christians we should not be advertising our fasting.

“That thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly” (Matthew 6:18).

Are Christians who advertise their fasting trying to please man or do they just not realize they need to keep that between themselves and God? I realize that some may have to know if you are fasting, especially those who are in the same household as you, but does the lady at the BMV really need to know that? I feel like we shouldn’t pick a date and length of time to fast we need to seek God on it and honor Him in doing it. I do have to admit that six weeks of fasting would be a very good, hard discipline, but keep it between you and God who cares what people think?!? We are called to be pleasers of God not of man!

“For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10)

I know that Lent is observed by the Catholic community more than anyone else so I wanted to look into that a little more. I have never been Catholic and I don’t know anyone who is Catholic so I have to rely on (my go to website). Here is what says. “Lent began as a way for Catholics to remind themselves of the value of repentance.” (What is the meaning of Lent?) It goes on to say “However, over the centuries Lenten observances have developed a much more “sacramental” value. Many Catholics believe that giving something up for Lent is a way to attain God’s blessing. But the Bible teaches that grace cannot be earned; grace is “the gift of righteousness” (Romans 5:17).” (What is the meaning of Lent?)

“For if by one man’s offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.” (Romans 5:17)

If you are a Christian there is nothing wrong with you observing Lent, just keep it between you and God! We should remember the “value of repentance” everyday! Fast away, be pleasing to God in every aspect of your life, but please do it for the right reasons!

For more information or other questions check out Got Questions? Also you can read more about Lent on Got Questions on “What is Ash Wednesday

Embracing My Role

I am honestly struggling with a lot this year so far. I don’t know what it is. Winter maybe? I have discontinued the GFCFSF diet (for now). My oven is no longer working, my stove burners only work when they are turned all the way up on high and my sink isn’t draining right. All those things make it a little hard to cook. Milk, cheese, soy and gluten are in everything! I can barely keep us all feed and I am spending a lot more money in food; processed foods. I just don’t know what else to do. The landlord just doesn’t seem to care, I guess the nearly 20,000 dollars he has gotten from us over the years isn’t enough to fix the pluming or the stove. The good news is that we have been approved for a loan to get a house! We will hopefully be moving soon and then we can pour our money into our own house. YAY!

Another struggle I am having is my schooling. I decided to go ahead and take another class this semester, BIG mistake! I can’t do it. I simply don’t have enough family support to do it. I thought I could take a class online and not have to worry about leaving my daughter. Well, this class has a requirement that will force me to leave my daughter. Not gonna happen! I’m done! This is the second class I have had to drop because I have no family support. I just hope I don’t get into trouble with the state because this class is being paid for by a grant. I read up on it and the worst that can happen is that I have to pay the money back. That will hurt, but at least I won’t get put in jail or something. I feel like it is the right thing to do. I have been meditating on Titus 2 and Proverbs 31 today. I need to embrace the roll God is calling me to and I have to think that if He wanted me in school I wouldn’t be having all of these problems. I have known for a few years that my number one job is the home-front. As a wife I am called to be my husbands helpmate and as a mother I am called to be, well a mother.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. (Proverbs 31:28)

IMG_20130126_114137_284-1On a better note a puppy has adopted us. I have been wanting a dog for a long time now. He just showed up on our porch, jumping at our door one night. I am not sure what type of dog he is, I have heard pit bull, which scares me a little with Brianna. I took him to the vet to see if he had a micro-chip (he didn’t) and they said he sorta looked like a catalpa leopard dog. He has to be a mix of something because I don’t think that someone would let go of a full bread that easily. He is a really good dog! He is a little annoying, but he is a puppy. After everything I have done to get him to go home he just stayed around and wouldn’t leave. It has been so cold out that we brought him in the house. He has stayed in the kitchen blocked off from the rest of the house all but the few times we have brought him into the living room. I am trying to get Brianna use to him and him use to her. She is starting to warm up to him, soon I hope that he will be able to roam around the house. He is a smart dog. I have been teaching him not to jump up on us, not chew on his leach when we are out, to sit, and stay and he is catching on. He is also house broke mostly, he has had a few accidents.

A lot of stress has been lifted off of me with my decision about school and we are starting to look at houses in this area. I just hope we can stay close because I REALLY like the church I am going to. It is a smaller church, but I know it will grow because there is no church around here like it, well at least none that I am aware of. It just needs to be a little bigger to accommodate Brianna I think.

Operation GFCFSF Diet: Here We Go Again

prescription-medication-pain-pills-and-drug-bottle-thumb11924150My husband and I have been presented with a decision, we have to medicate our daughter with possibly three different medications or put her on a GFCFSF diet. Well since we are not fans of medication unless they are essential, we have opted for the diet. GF stands for gluten free, which is a protein found in wheat, oats, barley and rye. For more on gluten visit Talk About Curing Autism’s (TACA) website “What is Gluten?” CF stands for casein free, which is a protein found in all mammals’ milk.  Mammals include cow, goat, sheep, yak, buffalo, camel and humans. For more information on casein visit TACA’s website “What is Casein?” SF stands for soy free. I think most people know what soy is, but just in case you don’t here is more information “What is Soy?”

Now that you know more about the diet (if you didn’t already) I want to track Brianna’s progress on here. I want something to look back at to encourage me, I want to keep a close eye on her behaviors and hopefully one day help someone else who might be faced with the same decision. “Here We Go Again” Yes, we have tried it before and we did see positive signs at least with the casein. We did end up giving her back the casein partly because I no longer seen a change, I became discouraged. I think that if I would have kept track of her behaviors I would have been more up to keeping it up. It was hard and I already had a hard enough struggle with her. We tried the gluten free for a very short time and I never did take gluten away from her completely. I never tried the soy-free. This time I am going to do it just like all those who have had success have done it. I have ten weeks to have her completely GFCFSF. My biggest fear is that Brianna isn’t going to be to happy about it and she will refuse to eat. I am already doing my best to make sure I can find the foods she loves in GFCFSF.

no-dairy-thumb23716351The first two weeks is slowly taking away the casein. I have already ordered a milk substitute that a lot of people are saying is the closest to cow’s milk (which Brianna loves). I am waiting on that to start the first two weeks of the diet. This weekend I am hoping to find some of the other things I will need, like a butter substitute and a cheese substitute. I have found some online but I cannot have that mailed to me so I did look for some stores that offer it. I just hope they aren’t out of stock. I am also looking into a calcium supplement. I know that tums is a good source, but they put dyes in them and I kind of want to stay away from dyes. I also have the issue of texture because Brianna will not eat any type of gummies. Last time I found some powder, but it fizzed up and she didn’t like that at all. She totally rejected tums at first, but I ended up making her eat them out of desperation and now she loves them!

Now I want to make a record of some of the “behaviors” we are having issues with so once I start this diet I can come back here to see how things might be changing. Brianna is becoming more and more aggressive. She hits, kicks, pinches, headbutts, scratches, pushes, she will beat me and my husband in the head sometimes and she just recently started to throw things at us. She doesn’t communicate, she can say some words, but not more than one clear word at a time. When she says more than one word it all runs together as one word and only myself, my husband and my other kids can understand her. She is very hyper, especially out in public which I think maybe she just gets overwhelmed with everything going on and all of the things around her. Her attention is terrible, I can get her to sit for maybe 15 to 20 minutes and she still doesn’t pay attention that whole time. She is chewing on her hair and clothes. She is toe walking. She picks at her fingers (skin and nails) sometimes until they bleed. She has no fear and will run away from us the second we let go over her out in public. She yells at us in a very loud voice at home, in the store, in the drive thru and when we are on the phone. She is very controlling and gets angry when we don’t do or say what she wants us to. She likes to watch the same shows over and over. She also has bowel problems. That is all that I can think of right now, but all of these things are getting harder and harder to deal with as she gets older. We are not to crazy about doing this diet, but we feel that we have to try it because we can’t keep living this way and I do want what is best for Brianna and if that is a diet so be it. I hope this works because we have had a bad experience with medication and I really don’t want to do that again.

Book Read: “Autism & ADHD Diet: A Step-by-Step Guide to Hope and Healing by Living Gluten Free and Casein Free (GFCF) and Other Interventions” has the kindle addition for 2.51 right now!!

Websites used:

Who or What Matters Most?

How you spend your time shows what your priorities are. It may be hard to admit, but it is true. I am guilty of this on a daily basis. I fight myself every day! When I wake up I don’t want to get up and sometimes I don’t (depending if my kids have school or not). I will get up in the mornings with my kids, but when they are out of school sometimes I will not set an alarm or I will just shut it off when it does come on. I just sleep in and let my husband get up on his own and leave for work without really telling him bye. What does that say about me? I feel like it is saying that I value myself and my sleep more than I value him or spending time with him. I love my husband and other than God he is all that I truly have. Another major no, no that I do is jump up out of bed not even giving God much thought until my day is settled down and on some days that doesn’t even happen at all. I put sleep, eating, my husband and my kids before Him. Sometimes I put facebook and the news before Him to. What does that say about me? I value something more than I value God and well that is just wrong! I wouldn’t have all the things I have without Him. It is sad, but it is true. The relationships that are the most important in our lives sometimes take a back seat to ourselves. Well at least that is what I am seeing. Not everyone is like that. Satan wants to rip our families apart and he certainly doesn’t want us to spend time with God. Satan will do anything he can to destroy us “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour”  (1 Peter 5:8) Our flesh only adds to what satan likes to throw at us. We are naturally selfish and in the “now” moment it feels good to be selfish. ”This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16) Let’s look at things in a new way every day…  After we die what will matter? Will money matter? Will sleep and self-matter? Or will God and people matter? Of course God and people will matter because that is all we will have left. All the money we have earned all of the time we spend on making our house nice or all the time we spend in sleeping will no longer matter and we will have nothing to show of it. I know we need sleep, but we don’t need to sleep more than our bodies need we need to wake up and make the most of our relationship with God and others because in the end (or beginning) that is ALL that matters! Where are your priorities?

Time Flys

hNovember 7th is the last time I posted anything on here and those blogs I had mentioned I was working on? Well, I haven’t worked on them at all. A lot has happened and I just haven’t made it my priority. If you go back and look through my blog you will see that I am not consistent with my blogging. I have large gaps in my post. I often ask myself if I should really be posting all this stuff anyways. I like to write about what is going on in my life, telling myself that maybe my mom or someone else in my family might want to know what is going on in my life. Well I don’t think anyone I know personally really reads it so I just think “who cares”! I also like to write what I learn in my Bible studies or things that God has put on my heart (writing helps me ponder things) then I think what if I say something wrong and lead someone astray? Then there are my short stories and I really do enjoy writing them, but why do I post them? Well I write because it helps me to get through all the clutter in my mind and I publish them because I might help someone, maybe? Even if it helps someone to know they are not alone. I think that is the main reason I don’t post consistently.

Anyways, My Grandma died on November 17th. My Grandma lived an hour and a half from me and I only went to see her once in the last 3ish years. 😦 WHY??? I was and still am a little upset at myself for not going to see her more. I didn’t go and see her because I was scared she wouldn’t remember me. See she has had alzheimer’s for a very long time. Well she had a stroke on the 12th and I rushed down to her on the 13th, guess what? She was lying on her death bed and she remembered me! WHY??? Why didn’t I go and see her more? I miss her sooo much! She was and is the only person in my life that I know truly loves me. Well, the good news is that my Grandma loved Jesus. I have comfort in knowing that one day I will see her again, she is free from the bondage of alzheimer’s, she is with my Grandpa and most of all she is with Jesus! Like Randy Alcorn says in his book “Heaven” I haven’t lost my Grandma I just lost contact with her.

Brianna123blog, Brianna, Brianna! I have officially withdrew her from K12 and I am homeschooling her now. K12 is a great program, but it isn’t working out for her. I am not as bad as a teacher as I thought I would be anyways. When we count to 3 over and over day after day and then I hear her in her room playing saying 1-2 or when I hand her a clothespin and she knows how to use it, these are just a few things I know she is learning from me! I guess I am doing something right. It is much more rewarding for me to see her progress when I personally know how hard we have worked to get to know things. I am so proud of her.

I have also started going to another church it is a small church and I am not sure how this will work out with my daughter and her needs, but for now I feel like I need to try. I wish I could feel like a part of a church family, but no matter how hard I have tried that just doesn’t seem to happen. I don’t know what it is; I just can’t connect with people. Oh well, God has shown me that He is all that I truly need!

Well that is all I have to say for now. Take care!

The Election Results

Before I went to bed last night I saw that Obama won the election. I am not an Obama or Romney fan, but I did vote. I voted for Romney. Why? Despite his religion he still stayed closer to the Bible beliefs than Obama. Anyways, As soon as I turned on the TV this morning I see that two more states (Maine and Maryland) legalize same-sex marriage. I start to really see that our country is falling apart! Our country is continuing to turn away from God and that is not a good thing! God is giving our nation over to its sin. I start to become weary and then I am reminded (by someone I follow on twitter) what the Bible says in 2 Chronicles 20:6 “O Lord, God of our fathers, are you not God in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. In Your hand are power and might, so that none is able to withstand You.” and in Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” God is still in control and I believe that it is God’s will that Obama is in office. “He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding” Daniel 2:21 (ESV) “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God.” Romans 13:1 (NKJV) We may not understand what God is doing, but we can trust Him! Just remember that God is still in control and He does love us! So if you were weary like I was this morning just remember God’s promises and don’t focus on the issues of this world, but keep your focus on Jesus or you will sink.

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