Day~1 Brianna’s meds

I am really having a hard time with giving Brianna this medicine.  I should have asked the doctor to prescribe me some anxiety medicine to go along with Brianna taking Abilify.  I was literally shaking when I gave it to her for the first time.  I just saw it as giving her poison.  It makes me want to cry. I have done my research, talked to all of her doctors, got advice from other people, and most of all I prayed and prayed about giving her this medicine.  I think I made the right decision, maybe?  I guess we will see.  I don’t know what I was expecting at first, but I was relieved a little to see that she didn’t have a bad reaction as soon as I gave it to her.  I had a dream last night that she had a side effect. In my dream all she did was sleep all day.  Today she has taken two naps so far; far from sleeping all day, but it still concerns me a little.  She hardly ever takes naps. I hope this is the worst of it and it is only temporary.
Same day a few hours later. Brianna is asleep. She went to sleep about the same time as normal. Something about me giving her medicine has been driving me crazy. I think I figured it out. I fear that I am going to lose her. I am either going to lose her or a piece of her. I feel like I am altering her somehow. I feel like I am wrong for doing this, like I am being selfish. I don’t see it as I am helping her. I hope that it does help her and if it doesn’t I will not keep her on this medicine. I love her sooooo much! I only want what is best for her.

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