I am going to start a blog thread on the ever so complex life of my beautiful baby girl Brianna. School starts in less than 2 weeks for all of us. I am dreading it so much. I have so many fears not only putting all of my kids in public school, but especially Brianna. When the realization of Brianna going back to school took a hold of me I became very upset. I am not ready for this and I am still not sure that it is the right decision. Brianna doesn’t talk very well and will not communicate anything to me. Last year there were two adults involved in treating her because of a bloody nose and she came home with a bruise on her nose. Well, I am sending her back into that very same environment this year. Am I crazy? Yes, I believe that I am. I don’t know what else to do. I have no help from anyone. I am completely on my own. I don’t have any support from my extended family and if you are familiar with my other blogs you know that I don’t have any friends. I don’t have the money that I need to buy everything that Brianna needs. I don’t have the resources that the school has and I can’t provide Brianna with the social aspect of being with others like she will have at the school. So I feel that I only have one option. I plan on coming out of my comfort zone and embracing a new comfort zone of being more involved with Brianna’s school. The first sign of any abuse I will pull her out and pray that God gives me a lot of patience to handle a new life as a special needs teacher with little college training.
One of the hardest things about me not having any support that led to me sending Brianna back into the school system is that I can literally go nowhere with her anymore. She screams and has a terrible meltdown. She is getting so big and hard to handle I am at my wit’s end on what to do. I can’t sit through a doctor’s appointment, I can’t get groceries, I can’t do any shopping and I can’t even go to my sons’ school without having to leave early. Yesterday my oldest two had a tour of their new school and luckily my ex-husband was there also so he could walk through the rest of their tour with them. I love my daughter! I just don’t know what to do. The times that I have to walk away from my other kids’ needs is the hardest for me and normally I get mad at my family for not being there for me, but yesterday that thought didn’t even cross my mind. My kids understand and I do the best that I can do. I have God and truth be told He is all I really need. Even if I do end up homeschooling Brianna He will help me. He will be there and He will get me through every challenge that I might have.
“Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)